Sometimes phrases don’t mean what you might think they mean. Take “How are you?” for example. When Americans ask you how you are doing the preferred response according to conversation analysts (Wong and Waring, 2010) would be “Fine, thanks, and you?”, “Can’t complain, and yourself?”, “Hanging in there, you?” – you get the picture. 

Alright, well what about the guys on the other side of the pond? The British phrase “How do you do?” is met with the preferred response “How do you do.” So as you can see, when English speakers ask the question “How are you?” they expect a succinct answer with little elaboration.

In other words, no one is really asking how you are doing/feeling. If you started to go into detail about how you missed an important business meeting because you were getting over the flu, and you forgot to pick your kids up from school, you’re not responding in the preferred way. By preferred response, we mean the expected response. Anything out of the ordinary, would be considered a dispreferred response (Wong and Waring, 2010).

The exception to the rule about oversharing or giving the nitty gritty details is when it comes to people close to you. Close friends or family members don’t mind the long-winded responses but most people you encounter during daily interactions will expect a short and sweet answer. This holds particularly true in professional settings where you hold everyone at an arm’s distance. 

Ok, so what about “Let’s do coffee” – what does that actually mean? Similar to “How are you?” this phrase is used out of politeness. Again, when it comes to people with you you have distance – work friends, acquaintances, people you’ve just met, etc. It is a way of establishing some type of rapport without committing to anything concrete. You’re certainly not penciling it into your calendar with a time/place/date. 

Let’s look at some examples. Francine is an L2 English speaker and Josie is a native English speaker. They are work acquaintances who are on friendly terms, but they do not know each other well.

Fuzzy phrases such as "How are you" and "Let's do coffee" are polysemous: they have more than one meaning ascribed to them. Such phrases may not always mean what you think and can cause miscommunication.  When navigating different cultures, we need to rely on cues to help us unpack unclear terms.  Learn how to decipher the true meaning of fuzzy phrases and see some example scenarios of fuzzy phrases in action.  Feel free to grab a cup of coffee while you read!

Scenario A:  Taking these expressions literally

Josie: Hi Francine! Haven’t seen you since the last client pitch!

Francine: Hey Josie! I know, right?

Josie: How are you?

Francine: Oh I am okay. I have a headache, and my stomach’s been a bit off since lunch. I’m guessing it was the chicken. Did you have the chicken or? And I have so much paperwork to go through and--

Josie: --oh sorry to hear it! Hope you feel better soon.

Francine: Oh, thank you! Hope so too. I’ve --

Josie: [cell phone rings] -- Oh, I got a take this, but it was nice running into you!

Francine: Yes, you too. 

Josie: [picking up phone, signaling walking away] Totally. [walking away] Um, let’s do coffee!

Francine: That’d be great. There’s a new café that I’ve been meaning to try. It just opened and it’s only a block away from work.We could go during lunch or after work. I think it’s called Cozy Coffee House.

Josie: Talking on the phone, waving to Francine.

Now let’s see another direction this conversation could go:

Scenario B: Not taking these expressions literally

Josie: Oh, hey Francine! Haven’t seen you since the board meeting last month. 

Francine:  I know! How’ve you been?

Josie: Oh the usual. 

Francine: Yeah? Everything ok?

Josie: Yea. The boss has got us all working overtime since we’re trying to close the new client.

Francine: Ugh, that’s rough. Well hopefully, you’ll land the client and can celebrate soon enough.

Josie: Tell me about it! Anyway, got to run but I’ll catch you soon. Let’s do coffee!

Francine: Sounds good! Yea, would love to!

Keep in mind that Josie and Francine are work friends. They are on a “hi/bye” basis, which means that there is distance between them. They are not close friends who actually go out for drinks or coffee. Perhaps if they were to become closer then they would do coffee. Notice how Scenario B ran more smoothly and naturally? Both Josie and Francine honored the distance between them. But things got a bit uncomfortable in Scenario A when Francine hadn’t picked up on the cues. First, when she got interrupted by Josie when she was listing her ailments instead of giving a preferred response for “How are you?” And more cringe-worthy, was when she was oblivious to the fact that Francine was motioning to Josie that she had to leave. Remember, she was picking up her phone and walking away? These are signs that one of the interlocuters is trying to remove themselves from the conversation. 

One way to decipher the intention of the person suggesting coffee is by paying attention to the sincerity in their voice as well as their body language. To understanding the intention behind a multifaceted phrase, you need to think about (1) who are you talking to and what is your relationship to that person – how much distance you have between you; is this a close friend or an acquaintance, (2) the body language of the person saying this – is it rushed? Are they trailing off? Are they trying to exit the conversation? If that’s the case, then they’re using “Let’s do coffee” in lieu of a closing statement like “See you soon”, “Got to run”, “Catch you later”, etc. And lastly, (3) think about the context in which the conversation is occurring – Are you at work? At an event? At a close friend’s dinner party? At a birthday gathering? Paying attention to these three points will help you decode the meaning of “Let’s do coffee” and whether it’s just filler word, an exit strategy or a genuine proposal to meet up. Once you’ve been able to unpack the intended meaning of the speaker then I encourage you to try it out yourself. Use the phrase when you want to exit a conversation and use it with people with whom you genuinely want to get coffee. Once you have clarity on your audience and the context of the conversation, this phrase will make so much more sense.

With close friends “Let’s do coffee” might look something like this:

Alex: Hey Maddy! I noticed you weren’t at Gen’s party. I was going to text you but Gen said you were under the weather so I didn’t want to disturb you.

Madison: Aw yea, thanks Alex. Sorry to miss it! But I saw pictures on Insta and it looked like it was a blast.

Alex: It was a fun time. Anyway, how are you doing?

Madison: Feeling better. I’m going to the doctor later today to see what kind of bug I have.

Alex: Ugh, yeah, I think something’s been going around. Jim’s not feeling a 100% either. 

Madison: [Nodding].

Alex: Well let me know if there’s anything I can do. You know I make a mean chicken noodle soup.

Madison: Haha I remember. Well, I’m sure Jim needs it too. Save it for him. Peter is hopeless in the kitchen, but I’ll manage. 

Alex: Oh, don’t be silly, I’ll send some over to you tonight. I was planning on making it for Jim anyway.

Madison: You’re so sweet. 

Alex: And when you do feel better, let’s catch up okay? It’s been ages. 

Madison: I’d love that. Let’s do coffee.

Alex: Yes, let’s.  We could go to Posy Rosie. It’s supposed to be good.

Madison: Oh, I’ve heard about that place.

Alex: Would next weekend work for you?

Madison: Yea I should be better by then.

Alex: Great, I’ll send you a calendar invite.

Madison: Perfect. Looking forward to it!

Alex: Same here. Ok, feel better Maddy.

Madison: Thanks Alex. And I’m excited for the soup – thanks for that, too!

Alex: Don’t even mention it!

Now that exchange was smooth like icing. Why? Well, because Madison and Alex are friends. There’s less distance between them than your typical work friends. Alex calls Madison by her nickname, Maddy, so you know that they are quite close. Also, they have overlapping friends, probably from the same friend group that they hang out with. And lastly, they are on calling/texting basis, which means they are quite close. Some of you may have also picked up on the fact that they know each other’s husbands and know where each other live so they’ve probably hung out at their homes as well. All in all, this is a very different type of conversation than we saw in Scenarios A and B. A conversation like this would most like occur between two close friends or people truly making an effort to become close friends.  You may have noticed how their treatment of “Let’s do coffee” wasn’t void of meaning – it was an actual proposal to get together. So, as you can see, audience and context are everything when it comes to language use and the intended meaning of fuzzy phrases such as “How are you” and “Let’s do coffee.”

References:

Wong, J., & Waring, H. Z. (2010). Conversation analysis and second language pedagogy: A guide for ESL/EFL teachers. London: Routledge.

Thank you for reading!!